Letting Go, Holding On

Happy October, Dear Ones. This is my favorite month of the year. And yours? The older I become, the more I want October to stay for more than 31 days. To me, it epitomizes the best of Autumn…cobwebs sparkling in early morning sun, warm days, some fog, a short dusk, gorgeous sunsets. And endings.

This morning I saw a monarch butterfly zig-zagging across my path. The raptor migration continues (as does that of wild fowl, swallows, and swifts). Looking to the sky, the hang gliders are back, taking off from nearby mountain cliffs. When I lived in New Mexico, balloons were an ever present sight. I never got tired of seeing them. Hang gliders are less frequent which makes this all the more special.

Yesterday I drove to the New England Peace Pagoda. It’s actually a stupa with a relic of the Buddha and run by the Nippozan Myohoji Buddhist Order. I’ve mentioned in past post that I’ve had a long association with Buddhist practices and monasterys, starting with Zen. I traveled some distances to practice retreats and sometimes even simple day sessions. After that I moved to Tibetan Buddhism. The austerity of Zen seemed almost too compatible with my tendencies and a more colorful, elaborate and esoteric practice was appealing. I could go into the many differences but the most important in my experience is that Tibetan Buddhism is religious. Divinities and Bodisattvas are discussed, visualized and prayed to. And there enters an all too common occurrence experienced by Western women with Tibetan monks.

When I was a Zen practicioner, I heard about female Western women and monks having relationships with the Roshi. I had no first hand knowledge but in Tibetan Buddhism I did. This is all I care to say about that. I let go but kept and keep up a practice.

I know very little about the Nippozan Myohoji Order except this: Nipponzan Myōhōji is a Japanese new religious movement and activist group founded in 1917 by Nichidatsu Fujii, rooted in Nichiren Buddhism. It is known for its commitment to peace and the construction of peace pagodas around the world, promoting non-violence and global harmony.

There were only a few people visiting and being thee was as peaceful as this looks. The statues were bright!

Here are the ones I resonate most with. They aren’t here.

This is what used to hang in my backyard until I stopped hacking back the woods and let nature take over.

Tibetan prayer flags are sacred texts and symbols that promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. They come in five colors representing the elements and are hung with good intentions for all beings. They flew until they became tattered and then disintegrated. Letting go and holding the intentions.

What have you let go and what has been held?

Friendships. Ah, that’s a relationship that’s taken a back seat to familial relationships and romantic love. However, it’s the first one we voluntarily choose to make when we are still a child. And it takes a willing participant. A romantic crush which often comes later need not have an other. Friendship does. Like romantic relationships, friendships require maintenance, have conflict, and not all are meant to endure.

In my friendship history, there was not always/often discussion of how we would tend the relationship. It frequently was simply taken for granted. And there was, when I was a young adult, an unspoken expectation that the the friendship would be put in second place to a burgeoning romantic one. I didn’t make my feelings as clear as I should. Resentment simmered in the background of my mind. Eventually those relationships were let go. I kept memories of the good times but never thought to broach the topic later on when we ran into one another. Interestingly, it’s more commonplace to speak about divorce than break-ups of friendships.

At the end of this past year, a woman with whom I had had an ‘on-hold’ friendship until she could come to the realization I had been making the larger effort, died very suddenly. I hadn’t let go but more separated and was still loosely holding on. No, we don’t have control over life and certainly other people. I have regret and guilt in regard to my decision. Whenever I look at the subscriber list I see her name She was someone who made a point of subscribing to this substack when other friends hadn’t.

With friends who aren’t a chapter but an on-going part of our evolving life story, we need to nourish them as much as our partners and families because that is what will maintain the connection. It’s worth the effort.

From the sacred to the profane, here is more to let go and hold on starting with what’s in the wardrobe. This year I’ve culled about as much as I could. I’m certain you’ve heard the sentence, ‘we only wear 20% of what’s in our closet’. Speaking for myself, for a long while, that was true. I hung on to too many jeans I seldom wore, transitional jackets because they seemed like an investment (Barbour), and wool sweaters that were scratchy from the start. Now they’ve been moved on to other closets via donations. And they won’t be replaced by what’s now in fashion, especially barrel jeans which IMHO give the appearance of being seriously bow-legged. What I’ve hung on to are what I plan to wear everywhere and often. Have you seen this?

I saw it on Pinterest.

Speaking of Pinterest, I’ve gone overboard on saving recipes; some are there, the bulk are sitting on my laptop…1,268 as of this morning. Who does this? Do I see any hands, dear Friends? I plan to deal with this after I finish wrangling my Photos into shape, letting go of the similars and holding on to what I can’t easily duplicate (foreign travel, for one). Fortunately, the old noggin still has good recall and I don’t need to capture, for example, each and every first snowfall of the year.

I’ve reached the end of this ramble. Now it’s your turn, my Friends. What are you letting go and holding on?