I’m just out of hospital whence I was blue-lit in extreme pain (twisted bowel). Nil by mouth for days on end whilst they gently prodded and poked and then cautiously let me go home with advice to keep a bag packed as it may re-occur
(I’m slowly approaching the point, bear with me… )
When I got home you might imagine I sank gratefully into bed? Nope. I stripped off and leapt on the scales… 7 pounds lost. Triumph overcame pain and distress 🙄
My PhD was on Adolescents. Appearance, and Anti-bullying Strategies. Others research highlighted the importance of appearance and the fact that those who are concerned in youth with the way they look continue on that path throughout life.
Historically, young women’s futures could be radically improved by symmetrical features, big waist to hip ratio, thick hair and the desire of the wealthy to improve their blood line…
I think we just forget we no longer need to fulfil that role 😂😂
I'm so sorry to hear you've been through a siege of internal health challenges. I hope it will soon be all behind you, not to return. The older I get, the more I believe (and have experienced) our bodies are like aging cars...maintain, replace necessary parts, and keep on top of out of the ordinary occurrences. We just have to take our pleasures where and when we can.
Your PHD subject is fascinating. Society has long prized outer over inner attributes and it still continues.
In psychotherapy there was a long standing acronym of YAVIS...young, attractive, verbal, intelligent and successful...being preferred by mental health professionals. It's not difficult to identify the gender being spoken of. Pfft.
I have not worn a bathing suit in years, nor have I worn anything above my ankles, but I do wear capris. I didn't know about "Uniqlo jersey barrel pants" and had to look them up, realizing I do have two pairs of the baggy legged pants, which I love and, will buy one more pair. I identify with Cate and am all about comfort these days.
Good on you, Linda, for wearing what you are most comfortable in. I too haven't worn a bathing suit in years except when going to an all women's pool. This may account for why a beach vacation has no appeal to me. Most of my life I've worn loose unstructured clothing, Eileen Fisher professionally and casually wafty things in the summer. I've hung on to jeans for too long and while I like the comfort of a striped tee and loose denim bottoms, I'm ready to give up that uniform.
Frances, this post gave me much to think about, and thank you!I am more interested in comfort these days than I am in presenting a slim silhouette for others to critique, but the preference for flowing vibant garments is very much with me, and after my seasonal wardrobe cull is complete in a few days, I shall be looking for such things (and in vibrant colours). Thankfully, I have a lifetime of good skin care behind me and am continuing that. This old body craves good sleep, early mornings, vegetables, salads, long walks with Beau, bird song and sunshine. It wants good tea and reading material, and it can hardly wait to get out to the garden!
Yes to all of this! Having lived in NYC much earlier in my adult life, the wearing of dark neutral colors so as not to stand out stayed with me until retirement. It was only then that I allowed in what I once considered more audacious colors which I now enjoy.
You mentioned good skin care...that's a big topic. I have always believed fewer products and (unfortunately, too late) sunscreen and sun protection are most important. Oh, and getting enough sleep. tho the older I am, the more difficult that is to achieve.
Soon enough you and Beau will be out on your rounds and working in the garden. My snow pack is melting fast and I imagine your is too.
What saddens me is that so many young women are already getting cosmetic surgery with fillers and implants and they are only in their teens and twenties!
I shall be glad to shed the layers of clothes and feel warm again in the Spring
Visit gardens, walk some more, sit in the sun when it’s here ! I am very fortunate to live close to a historic place with an outside cafe on the river, also beautiful gardens containing smaller gardens with alcoves and benches tucked away , a place to enjoy the sun , listen to bird song with a good book !
Your surroundings sound wonderful, Maria. I've lived in places with just one defined season (tropics and deserts) and have come to cherish the arrival and then departure of a 4 season cycle. Today is unusually warm, the sun is shining brightly and melting mounds of snow, and bird song is increasing. It's the first time in ages I haven't worn a hat and heavy coat...a simple joy.
Your early spring flowers must be poking up. I hope you take pleasure in each one.
There's anxiety about appearance, which the industry fans to get us to keep buying, but there is also what I call "aesthetic joy" we can find via our apparel and also our household decor. I'm 77 and now focused on the latter, which means I buy fewer and better things and don't chase trends.
I loved your "I can see the machinery now". That awareness frees us from shame and unrealistic goals— so we can focus instead, if it appeals, on aesthetic joy, such as you may have experienced when you found those pants.
It is true that dogs are not vain, and splendid mentors for living in the present. I suspect that that cats are quite vain and though they live in the now, it is the now that happens after a nap. (Not a bad lesson either.)
Thank you, Frances, for this honest and detailed view of your experience of being female in this culture of objectification and exploitation of women's bodies. Like you (and every woman) I'm still "stubbornly living inside it." I tried to protect my daughter from it, and failed completely. (You wouldn't believe what women in Los Angeles do routinely to maintain their bodies.) Right now, I'm experiencing a comeuppance to my illusions of immortality, which I'm writing about -- maybe to publish today! I need your parenthetical reminder to be grateful for my body, which continues (for now) to function fairly well "despite various ailments and often pain." About clothes, in my youth I always struggled to look "decent" while feeling comfortable, a combination I rarely achieved. Now, I prioritize comfort and have developed a uniform that looks "decent" to me, my standard having relaxed over the years.
I’m just out of hospital whence I was blue-lit in extreme pain (twisted bowel). Nil by mouth for days on end whilst they gently prodded and poked and then cautiously let me go home with advice to keep a bag packed as it may re-occur
(I’m slowly approaching the point, bear with me… )
When I got home you might imagine I sank gratefully into bed? Nope. I stripped off and leapt on the scales… 7 pounds lost. Triumph overcame pain and distress 🙄
My PhD was on Adolescents. Appearance, and Anti-bullying Strategies. Others research highlighted the importance of appearance and the fact that those who are concerned in youth with the way they look continue on that path throughout life.
Historically, young women’s futures could be radically improved by symmetrical features, big waist to hip ratio, thick hair and the desire of the wealthy to improve their blood line…
I think we just forget we no longer need to fulfil that role 😂😂
I'm so sorry to hear you've been through a siege of internal health challenges. I hope it will soon be all behind you, not to return. The older I get, the more I believe (and have experienced) our bodies are like aging cars...maintain, replace necessary parts, and keep on top of out of the ordinary occurrences. We just have to take our pleasures where and when we can.
Your PHD subject is fascinating. Society has long prized outer over inner attributes and it still continues.
In psychotherapy there was a long standing acronym of YAVIS...young, attractive, verbal, intelligent and successful...being preferred by mental health professionals. It's not difficult to identify the gender being spoken of. Pfft.
Again, Emily, wishing you continued healing.
I have not worn a bathing suit in years, nor have I worn anything above my ankles, but I do wear capris. I didn't know about "Uniqlo jersey barrel pants" and had to look them up, realizing I do have two pairs of the baggy legged pants, which I love and, will buy one more pair. I identify with Cate and am all about comfort these days.
Good on you, Linda, for wearing what you are most comfortable in. I too haven't worn a bathing suit in years except when going to an all women's pool. This may account for why a beach vacation has no appeal to me. Most of my life I've worn loose unstructured clothing, Eileen Fisher professionally and casually wafty things in the summer. I've hung on to jeans for too long and while I like the comfort of a striped tee and loose denim bottoms, I'm ready to give up that uniform.
Frances, this post gave me much to think about, and thank you!I am more interested in comfort these days than I am in presenting a slim silhouette for others to critique, but the preference for flowing vibant garments is very much with me, and after my seasonal wardrobe cull is complete in a few days, I shall be looking for such things (and in vibrant colours). Thankfully, I have a lifetime of good skin care behind me and am continuing that. This old body craves good sleep, early mornings, vegetables, salads, long walks with Beau, bird song and sunshine. It wants good tea and reading material, and it can hardly wait to get out to the garden!
Yes to all of this! Having lived in NYC much earlier in my adult life, the wearing of dark neutral colors so as not to stand out stayed with me until retirement. It was only then that I allowed in what I once considered more audacious colors which I now enjoy.
You mentioned good skin care...that's a big topic. I have always believed fewer products and (unfortunately, too late) sunscreen and sun protection are most important. Oh, and getting enough sleep. tho the older I am, the more difficult that is to achieve.
Soon enough you and Beau will be out on your rounds and working in the garden. My snow pack is melting fast and I imagine your is too.
Thank you for your post Frances
What saddens me is that so many young women are already getting cosmetic surgery with fillers and implants and they are only in their teens and twenties!
I shall be glad to shed the layers of clothes and feel warm again in the Spring
Visit gardens, walk some more, sit in the sun when it’s here ! I am very fortunate to live close to a historic place with an outside cafe on the river, also beautiful gardens containing smaller gardens with alcoves and benches tucked away , a place to enjoy the sun , listen to bird song with a good book !
Wishing you a very good March Frances
Your surroundings sound wonderful, Maria. I've lived in places with just one defined season (tropics and deserts) and have come to cherish the arrival and then departure of a 4 season cycle. Today is unusually warm, the sun is shining brightly and melting mounds of snow, and bird song is increasing. It's the first time in ages I haven't worn a hat and heavy coat...a simple joy.
Your early spring flowers must be poking up. I hope you take pleasure in each one.
Thank you Frances , yes it is a joy to travel more lightly in one’s clothes once the weather warms
I’m sure this is such a joy for you now without heavy coat and hat
This place I go to is an oasis in the concrete urban sprawl of the south east
We are so fortunate to have it in our borough
Daffodils crocuses have all arrived and some tulips are now opening to the sun ,
They cheer the heart
Have a good Tuesday
There's anxiety about appearance, which the industry fans to get us to keep buying, but there is also what I call "aesthetic joy" we can find via our apparel and also our household decor. I'm 77 and now focused on the latter, which means I buy fewer and better things and don't chase trends.
I loved your "I can see the machinery now". That awareness frees us from shame and unrealistic goals— so we can focus instead, if it appeals, on aesthetic joy, such as you may have experienced when you found those pants.
It is true that dogs are not vain, and splendid mentors for living in the present. I suspect that that cats are quite vain and though they live in the now, it is the now that happens after a nap. (Not a bad lesson either.)
Hello Kathleen I like your idea of “aesthetic joy “
I have had both dogs and cats. And currently have a young cat . I love both species
I have never found cats vain ,
Mine have been very affectionate extremely intuitive, sensing illness and responding with great sensitivity,
My late dog was a collie highly intelligent who loved life , full of compassion and kindness and a beautiful being
I have learnt so much from both dogs and cats , they have taught me much especially about love and beauty
Thank you, Frances, for this honest and detailed view of your experience of being female in this culture of objectification and exploitation of women's bodies. Like you (and every woman) I'm still "stubbornly living inside it." I tried to protect my daughter from it, and failed completely. (You wouldn't believe what women in Los Angeles do routinely to maintain their bodies.) Right now, I'm experiencing a comeuppance to my illusions of immortality, which I'm writing about -- maybe to publish today! I need your parenthetical reminder to be grateful for my body, which continues (for now) to function fairly well "despite various ailments and often pain." About clothes, in my youth I always struggled to look "decent" while feeling comfortable, a combination I rarely achieved. Now, I prioritize comfort and have developed a uniform that looks "decent" to me, my standard having relaxed over the years.